Finding ME!

How many women still put yourself LAST even though your kids are grown and gone?

I am asking this because I have always thought it was the “RIGHT” thing to do. I guess from the example my own mother set and then later my mother in law.

When my husband and I became empty nesters, I did a couple things I thought were just for me. I took up running (I wanted to look better). I wrote a book (I felt the need to PROVE my worth).

Then I did some inner healing work. I healed from an emotionally abusive childhood. When I shared this with family, they looked at me like I grew a third leg or something. Outside looking in, they saw a great childhood.

Now that I am healed enough to boldy post, speak and share about my emotional abuse, everyone seems to think I should be happy, content and at peace with my life.

To those on the outside looking in, I have everything a women should want. I have a great marriage (32 years) live on a lake with an amazing view in a cozy, decorated house, drive a cute car, work from home helping others heal, have written five books that I self published on Amazon. I have traveled to other countries, I have all my needs met right?

Looking on the inside of myself, I want MORE… I don’t mean more as in material things. I want more as in feeling valued, worthy, adored, cherished, important, respected and to feel like what I think ,say and feel matter.

I used to think maybe these things were missing in my marriage. But what I have discovered is it was missing within myself!

I didn’t feel important, worthy, cherished, valued, adored, respected or that what I thought, said or felt mattered.

It all stemmed from my BELIEFS that I come last. That my NEEDS, WANTS and DESIRES are supposed to come last.

In always putting myself last, I grew not just bitter and resentful, but unhappy, unworthy and sad.
Never understanding these feelings until the past year or so.

Now I am on a journey to put myself FIRST so I CAN give my happiest, worthy, self to others, without feeling bitter or resentful.

At 53 years of age, I have learned a very valuable lesson and its showing in my face, eyes, and even body.

So, if you have been taught that as a mom and wife your needs, wants and desires come last, you need to work on FILLING UP YOUR SOUL with first, so you can give from a place of total peace and contentment.